hotel room ftw
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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