i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
