Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there was a trapeze. enough said
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
