hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
