Tell her she can't have a vagina
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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