my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
