I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
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Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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