hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
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I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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