then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
