I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
