trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
