Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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