goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
