Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
