i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize