Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
