I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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