i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You have to summon your inner elephant
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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