what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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