I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
