it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
