in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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