glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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