I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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