i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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