I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
