It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
