Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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