i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
