I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
