She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
