My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
