she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
