I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
