Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
