Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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