smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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