Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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