So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We got so high we made milksteak
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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