there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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