Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
