And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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