I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
