i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
