The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
