I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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