Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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