you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
They are going to name an STD after you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
