Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
