Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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