I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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