Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Randomize
