Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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