when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
