I'm jealous of your bromance
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
