That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you win again, gameday.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
