Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
