we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
