why didn't you poke me back
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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