I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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