White coat. Heels.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
