you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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