Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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