I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
