the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
